“Ain’t you coming?†she asks, tossing the words over her shoulder like it’s nothing. Snap. Back to reality. Right—walking. I should be walking. Must’ve glitched for a second there. This had to be a bluff. Right? Right?? I catch up to her, awkwardly hugging my bag like it’s my emotional support animal. Now what? What do I say? “Hey Ruth, funny story… remember when you casually confirmed we were dating in front of the entire tuition center?†Yeah, no. That’s a terrible opener. Abort. I glance at her, my mouth already halfway into a sentence I haven’t figured out yet. “Hy,†I say. Great start, Shakespeare. “I, uh… I wanted to ask you something…†“Oh! By the way,†she interrupts, completely hijacking my tragic rom-com buildup, “I told your friends we’re dating.†… I’m sorry, WHAT now? My brain throws a blue screen error. System rebooting in 3… 2… “Why?†I ask, trying to sound chill while my soul is screaming in six languages. She shrugs. “Your friends said you liked me.†Oh. Oh no. Those traitors. Those absolute backstabbing goblin-tier gremlins. I’m gonna shave their eyebrows in their sleep. “Ahm, about that—†I try to protest, but she keeps going. “And I figured rejecting you when you weren’t even there felt kinda mean, so… yeah. I just said we’re dating.†WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT? “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, so I started a fake relationship with you.†Ma’am, this is not how we solve problems on Earth. I nod slowly, trying to process. My internal monologue is throwing chairs. She turns to me, dead serious now. “So yeah, that’s the current situation. It’s either I reject you here and now…†But I didn’t even propose!! “…or we actually do this.†Silence. I stare at her like I’m trying to solve a crossword puzzle with only the color red. This is not how I imagined dating would start. There were supposed to be flowers. Maybe some awkward texting. Not… emotional blackmail with a side of miscommunication. I weigh my options. Say “no,†get rejected, and become a walking meme until I graduate. Say “yes,†and suddenly I’m in a relationship I didn’t apply for. What do I really lose? Self-respect? Already gone. Dignity? Hanging by a thread. Control of my life? Never had it. … “Sure,†I say, grinning like an idiot. Curse you, humanitarian side. You never let me live in peace.
“Ain’t you coming?†she asks, tossing the words over her shoulder like it’s nothing. Snap. Back to reality. Right—walking. I should be walking. Must’ve glitched for a second there. This had to be a bluff. Right? Right?? I catch up to her, awkwardly hugging my bag like it’s my emotional support animal. Now what? What do I say? “Hey Ruth, funny story… remember when you casually confirmed we were dating in front of the entire tuition center?†Yeah, no. That’s a terrible opener. Abort. I glance at her, my mouth already halfway into a sentence I haven’t figured out yet. “Hy,†I say. Great start, Shakespeare. “I, uh… I wanted to ask you something…†“Oh! By the way,†she interrupts, completely hijacking my tragic rom-com buildup, “I told your friends we’re dating.†… I’m sorry, WHAT now? My brain throws a blue screen error. System rebooting in 3… 2… “Why?†I ask, trying to sound chill while my soul is screaming in six languages. She shrugs. “Your friends said you liked me.†Oh. Oh no. Those traitors. Those absolute backstabbing goblin-tier gremlins. I’m gonna shave their eyebrows in their sleep. “Ahm, about that—†I try to protest, but she keeps going. “And I figured rejecting you when you weren’t even there felt kinda mean, so… yeah. I just said we’re dating.†WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT? “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, so I started a fake relationship with you.†Ma’am, this is not how we solve problems on Earth. I nod slowly, trying to process. My internal monologue is throwing chairs. She turns to me, dead serious now. “So yeah, that’s the current situation. It’s either I reject you here and now…†But I didn’t even propose!! “…or we actually do this.†Silence. I stare at her like I’m trying to solve a crossword puzzle with only the color red. This is not how I imagined dating would start. There were supposed to be flowers. Maybe some awkward texting. Not… emotional blackmail with a side of miscommunication. I weigh my options. Say “no,†get rejected, and become a walking meme until I graduate. Say “yes,†and suddenly I’m in a relationship I didn’t apply for. What do I really lose? Self-respect? Already gone. Dignity? Hanging by a thread. Control of my life? Never had it. … “Sure,†I say, grinning like an idiot. Curse you, humanitarian side. You never let me live in peace.